He Will Never Know
by ForeverAndAlwaysSuJu
Summary: EunHae oneshot, thought it's more Hae than Eun. Not much romance really. Told in Donghae's point of view, he takes you through the path that is his feelings, explaining that one thing that happened that ruined everything. In the end, he has nothing else to do but this. It's kind of a sad story, but it's one of my better ones. Summary REALLY sucks this time guys, just bear with me.


Those eyes. Those lips. That face. Those arms. Those legs. That body that always made me want him even more. That gummy smile that was so contagious that I found myself beaming and laughing every time I saw it.

That voice that made me wish mine was just as perfect each time I heard it. Whether he was talking, or singing. I both envied it and was in love with it at the same time.

That wasn't the only thing I envied. That wasn't the only thing I loved. There were so many things about him that were just too…perfect. His looks, his voice, his personality, just him. There was really no other way to describe Lee Hyukjae than the word perfect.

Of course, him being perfect wasn't a good thing in the slightest. Because no matter how much I wanted him, I would never have him, he would never be mine. I loved him, there was no doubt about that. But…he just didn't love me back. Not in the way I wanted.

Every time I was near him, I felt both joyous yet regretful at the same time. I also felt so guilty for having these uncontrollable feelings and thoughts for him that I knew he would never return.

I remember when I revealed my feelings to him. I remember everything. What I said, how I said it, what he said, how he said it. I remember when he rejected me, leaving my heart broken and cold. The worst part was, he did it gently, so he didn't hurt my feelings, which only made me love him even more. I remember how I cried myself to sleep that night. I still did every night after that. _Every_ night.

I remember how he avoided me after that. We didn't talk, not at all. He wouldn't even stay alone in the same room with me. He barely even stayed in the room with me _with_ others in the room. He had no idea what he was doing to me. He will never know.

After a while I stopped eating with the group, knowing he'd be there and just want me to leave anyway. He didn't seem necessarily angry with me, but it still hurt to be near him knowing he wouldn't even look my way. He had no idea the things his rejection had lead me to. But because I was so disgusting and he didn't want to go near me, he would never have the chance to ask.

I've ruined everything, Hyukjae, and I am sorry. If I had just kept my feelings to myself, you would still be talking to me. I wouldn't have these scars on my arms. My pillow wouldn't have these tear stains on it. It wouldn't hurt to smile, and trust me I've tried being happy, but I just can't without you. And, worst of all, you would still be my best friend. You would still be able to stand being near me.

But no. I had to go and ruin both of our lives because I was so damn selfish. I'm the monster that caused us both so much pain and loneliness, and now things will never _ever_ be the same between us again. It's all my fault, and it always will be. I embarrassed you, and there will never be a way for me to make it up to you, and I am so sorry, Hyuk. You have no idea.

So I'm ending this pain. Right now. Another act of selfishness, I know, and not to mention I'm such a coward. Especially because I'm doing it the quick, easy, painless way. I'm so sorry, Hyukkie…if it's still okay for me to call you that.

It's just so _easy_…there's really nothing left for me anyway. Without you, Hyuk, I am nothing. You are my life…you_ were _my life. You took my heart and returned it after you were done with me, after it was already dead and cold. After I was already gone.

Now as I say goodbye, I want you to have it again, like you always will, even if you don't know it. You'll never know what you did to me, Hyukjae, but it's better that way. It's better if you never know. It's just better for the both of us this way.

I love you, Hyukjae, and I always will. As a best friend, as a brother, and as so much more. Don't worry, we'll see each other again someday, just on the other side. Maybe by then I'll be normal. Maybe by then I won't be the disgusting gay you've come to hate.

Again, I love you. I just wanted to say that one last time before I go. Goodbye, for now. Love _always_, your Donghae._  
_

**(A/N: So yea just a bit of angst. This was going to be a oneshot, but I got a lot of requests for a sequel in Hyukjae's point of view, so if you wanna read it it's on here entitled "All My Fault" or just go to my page and find it there :) Review!)**


End file.
